Boundaries Keep Relationships Balanced & Honor You

Gals, recently I have been really focusing on self-care. More now, than usual. Maybe its the timing of what’s happening in my life, maybe its the old energy flushing out so the new can enter and prepare me, perhaps its the retrogrades of the planets! Whatever it is, I’ve had a real true urge to honor myself in all ways more recently and setting boundaries is one way. And while I have learned to honor myself over the years through setting boundaries, this urge has been really strong as of recent.

First let me say that every relationship – with family, with friends, with co-workers – all have a give and take. Our relationships throughout our lives often have periods where one gives more, the other takes more or vice versa. This is completely normal as we all have our own personal lives we are living! However, when the give and take over time becomes increasingly imbalanced, this is a red flag that you must review more deeply to look within yourself.

Why? Because the imbalance in the relationship has nothing to do with the other person and everything to do with YOU. I was reminded of this when I set a boundary recently with a long time friend. When I responded to something that really upset me and chose to end the friendship, their response was, “I am sorry I made you feel that way in our friendship that you gave more than what you got. I do not take

measurements in friendships”.

My initial thought was one of ego! Meaning, I was thinking, “how dare you make this about you!” But then I quickly realized that their response was out of defensiveness of my boundary and ending the friendship and this was a way that they were choosing to not take ownership for their part of the failed friendship. That they too, were unhealed and unable to look at the situation from my perspective. And this was ok, we’ve all done this and reacted similarly perhaps in the past. Everyone is entitled to feel how they feel.

I have personally found that having more experience in my age with previous life challenges, being in leadership roles or perhaps more spiritually awake, that many of my friends or family come to me (which I absolutely feel so honored to serve them) for guidance and advice. This is my to help other women so when the women close to me come to me, it is an honor to serve them. However, when the relationship is all ‘vent and complain’ for advice and direction or one person always asking to get together and the other not reciprocating, it can really feel one-sided. If this happens, its important to take a look within and examine what’s going on inside you. When you do this, you are honoring YOU. And this is a form of self-care.

Why Set Boundaries?

First, let’s define what a boundary is:

a boundary is a statement made to another that clearly focuses on what is or is not acceptable so that it honors your soul.

Now, depending on who you are communicating this to, they may have feedback or there may be a discussion about what this means and that is normal. The important point is that when you set the boundary, that it honors YOU. In honoring yourself through setting boundaries in your relationships, you are teaching others how to treat you. This is part of knowing your worth. We are not perfect and there is sometimes no easy answer to a relationship, however, setting boundaries with others is about YOU not them. And this goes for family too. Often I hear friends or clients say, but its FAMILY. Oh no sister, family is included in this, they don’t have to like it but that is ok, remember this is about you, not them.

It’s Not Easy, but It Doesn’t Have to be Dramatic

I haven’t always done the best job of setting my boundaries without some drama associated with them. But again, we’re not perfect and part of healing is learning, doing, learning, re-doing. That’s the point of healing and doing inner work gals. And when you need to have the conversation with someone to set a boundary, it can lead to uneasiness and anxiety for sure. But you can do so in a way that is kind and gentle (again something I have failed miserably at in the past).

 The goal of the boundary is to have the other person acknowledge what is and is not acceptable to honor your soul. They may not fully agree or understand, and they don’t have to, because this is about YOU, not them. And when people don’t understand, this is where we can get defensive and the ego emerge to be right or convince them of our ‘why’. We need to let that sh*t go gals, we need to let that go. We need to learn that its okay for the other person to not be okay with how we feel and what we are doing for ourselves. If the relationship between the two of you is meant to be, then it will be. If it’s not, then you have to be okay with that too.

The key here is to speak up for yourself, with loving kindness for the other person, but to honor your soul. This takes time and most likely, practice.

So, what does this all mean? It means that as we invoke self-care to honor ourselves, setting boundaries within our relationships that feel out of balance to us, that we need to speak up. It does not mean that we don’t listen to the other persons point of view, it does not mean that we fight to convince them, at the end of the day, we need to be open to learning, loving and honoring ourselves, because when we do, we invite all the right relationships into our lives, and that is peace and the ultimate self-care.

With healing love sister,

Natalie