Big F Word, Forgiveness
Oh let me tell you about the big “F” word, but I’m not talking about that F word! 🙂 I’m talking about forgiveness. This one for may years has been a difficult one to swallow and if you’ve ever been through something that has rocked your world in a traumatic or negative fashion, it is one that can take time to understand.
Many of us struggle with the word, forgiveness, because we may feel that it means it is okay what the person or people have done, and let me be crystal clear ladies, it is never going to be okay with what, how or why it happened, NEVER. So, how can you begin to wrap your head around the word and this concept of forgiveness? It can be one area that women tend to get hung up on, I know I did. Forgiveness is actually a form of self-care in my opinion. But, I didn’t always believe that.
Understanding Forgiveness
I felt that if I forgave, it meant that it was okay what someone did, and that could not be farther from the truth. I fell into the blame, victim, angry mentality, and the whole time I was in this mindset, it was doing nothing but hurting me. There is a quote from Nelson Mandela that says,
Not forgiving is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
Well, if it was only that easy, right? It literally took me years to understand what forgiveness meant and how to make it happen for me with specific circumstances I needed to forgive, until one day the freaking light bulb went on!
What I realized in one eye opening moment was that I needed to accept what happened and that despite how I felt about the situation, it could have been no other way, and it was what it was, fair or not. Oprah has another great quote on forgiveness that resonated with me, she said,
Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different, it’s accepting the past for what it was, and using this moment and this time to help yourself move forward.
What I love about this definition of forgiveness is that it is really acceptance. It is accepting the past for what it was. This resonated deeply for me. Once you can realize it does not make it okay with what happened, but it happened, this is acceptance. And this word, acceptance, is something that I can wrap my head around and do for me.
Moving Forward in Forgiveness
So despite how we may feel about the word, forgiveness, in order to move forward and heal, we can replace it with a definition that resonates more with what we need to hear to move forward, that word for me was acceptance. When you are looking to move forward with forgiveness, it is always something you do for yourself. Staying in fear, anger, hate, sadness will never hurt the other person, it only poisons ourselves. The next time you find your self needing to forgive, think of the word acceptance. See if that resonates with you in your soul and move forward from there.
What word or quote resonates for you around forgiveness? Be sure to share below – it just might help another woman on her healing path!
Sending healing light to you today,
Natalie
